How To Get Rid Of Negative Self Talk In Your Life

Most people are familiar with, and indeed practice, negative self talk. It can be defined and exercised in any number of ways. In simple terms, it can be defined as using negative or self defeating language when referring to oneself, either in company, or when alone.

Unlike positive thinking (my view on positive thinking is that the value of it is relative to the person and the level of self awareness they choose to exercise in their daily life....but that is another story) that is more of a conscious pursuit, negative self talk is often done spontaneously and habitually in response to a behaviour or action. The danger of this is it becomes, in effect, a negative thinking or negative affirmation as it is repeatedly used and reinforced.

Regardless of the intention, the occasion, or the situation, the fact is that repeatedly saying or thinking something that negates who you are on any level of consciousness, is not a smart approach to building confidence or a healthy self image.

There are many examples and well worn adages that reflect this:

  • "I'm so stupid!"
  • "Why do I always stuff things up!"
  • "I never remember to do that."
  • "I'm hopeless at relationships."
  • "I have a slow metabolism that is why I am overweight."
  • "I'm a slow learner."
  • "My memory is terrible."
  • "I have a really bad temper."
  • "Its not my fault that I have this problem its genetics."
  • "Nobody will ever love me."
  • "Why do I always attract this kind of person?"
  • "I never do any good at anything."

The above is just a small snapshot of the self talk we subject ourselves (and others within earshot) to. Some might think its harmless enough - after all it is only words isn't it? Words and language have power. Besides, what your conscious might think is a bit of a joke or a throwaway line, your subconscious might think (or more to the point not think) otherwise. It will just soak up what it hears and feels. If you are saying it and feeling it, the chances are that you are experiencing it - in that moment, preceding it most likely with previous similar comments, and most definitely following it as you continue to negatively affirm these things.

In short these words and personal affirmations (yes that is what they are - whether you like it or not) do not help or serve you. They hold you back, they limit you, and they tell you what, and who, you are not. So how do you start to get rid of this negative self talk, and how do you start re-programming your mind and being?

You do it by:

  • Becoming aware of the fact that you do it in the first place.
  • Picking up on the language and the usual negative sayings and adages you use in these situations.
  • Start replacing the negative self talk and affirmations with more life affirming or supportive ones.
  • Begin to use these newly chosen words and phrases as replacements for the negative ones.

You can have some (or a lot of!) fun with this, so it need not be some serious and intense exercise that dictates you must say and do the right things all of the time. This is about becoming aware of ordinary self talk and behaviours, and choosing better alternatives in their place.

It is about improvement - not perfection. As always, it is about accepting who you are and where you are in your life right now - being kind to yourself in other words.

For example you may come up with a list like the following:

  • "I'm brilliant!"
  • "I just seem to get better and better no matter what I seem to do."
  • "This is pretty challenging - lucky i'm a patient person."
  • "There are a lot of steps to go through here, just as well I have a great memory."
  • "I seem to pick up things pretty quickly."
  • "Lucky I have a fast metabolism."
  • "I have heaps of time and energy for a relationship."
  • "I am so fortunate I have so many great people around me."
  • "I always seem to be pretty calm in these situations."

If you are smart/focused enough, you will not only replace your existing negative self talk, language, and phrases, you will do it in a way where you maximise the benefit of it, by creating truly powerful replacement language and phrases that cover more than one positive attribute or behaviour.

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The language and the phrases you use in your daily life all have a certain level of power and meaning - for you. By acknowledging this, you start to make the connection in your life that what you say and how you say it can make a marked difference in your quality of life. Steps like these affirm that you are a creator in your life - and in your world. That is powerful.

Do you want to become more aware of your negative self talk, your hidden beliefs, and the language that might be holding you back in your life? Do you want to improve the way you relate to yourself and others? Life transformation coaching with me can help you identify these things, so you can consciously choose to move beyond them. Quality of life gets down to the level of your self awareness and your want to create a better life. To book a coaching session/s, or to find out how coaching with me can help you, please go to the contact me menu at the top of the page to book your session today.

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